You Can Ask What a Ritual Means
You do not have to choose between joining silently and rejecting an unfamiliar ceremony. There is another possibility: ask about one part.
Different chants or robes tell us that a history needs explaining. They do not, by themselves, tell us that two communities are hostile.
A tradition preserves teachings and practices. A cultural expression gives them a familiar language or form. An institution organises a particular community. A sectarian attitude uses belonging to dismiss others. These can overlap, but they are not the same thing.
A teacher may disagree with a doctrine and explain why. That is different from mocking people who follow it. Equally, declaring that every tradition is identical can prevent us from hearing what practitioners actually value.
Try replacing “Which one is real Buddhism?” with “What does this community teach, where does the teaching come from, and how does it understand the path?” This allows comparison without ranking people before meeting them.
The Cunda Sutta challenges mutual disparagement between monks devoted to study and meditation. Applying its challenge to modern communities is a reflection, not proof that all doctrinal differences disappear. We can learn to recognise another contribution while remaining serious about our own practice. [AN 6.46]